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 Post subject: How to avoid...
PostPosted: March 30th, 2008, 3:03 pm 
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I couldn't resist attempting a joke thread after reading so many hentai synopsi that involved characters getting raped. For this thread, contribute rules that every hentai character should know and follow if they don't want to find themselves on the receiving end of....well, I'll let you finish that.

How to avoid getting raped in a hentai title:

1. Always carry a taser, mace, and a cellphone with the emergency number on speed dial. Self defense courses are also fine, but realize that the instructor and your peers might take an interest in you.

2. If a long-lost relative suddenly appears, treat them courteously but never be alone in the same room with them. Make sure to lock doors, especially the bathroom and your bedroom when you're using them. It is also a good idea to plant a tracker on them so you know where they are at all times.

3. Beware the eerie smile! If your speaking to someone and they have an eerie smile, go straight home or to the police, as long as you don't go to wherever they want you to. If the person has been acting strange but did not display the smile, look behind you after you start to walk away, odds are they were holding it in so you wouldn't get suspicious.

4. Do...Not...Masturbate!

5. If you are on a spaceship and you go on a rescue mission only to find a single survivor, promptly leave without rescuing them. If you absolutely must rescue them, put them in the brig with a robot as their guard and tell the crew that the survivor has a rare and lethal STD. Also, keep constant surveillance: If the survivor attempts to seduce you, fill the cell with gas or order the robot to kill him or her, better safe than a tentacle up your....I'll let you finish that sentence.

6. If a substitute teacher appears who wants to change the curriculum, grab your things and run like hell.

7. Try to drive, walk, or ride a bike to work; just don't take the subway. If you must take the subway, dress modestly, keep your taser at the ready, try to get a seat next to the door, and get off at your stop as quickly as possible. If you must stand, then make sure to get as close to a door as possible and shyly reveal your taser to the people standing around you.

8. DON'T TRUST FACULTY MEMBERS

9. If something crashes near your house/apartment or where you're walking, alert the authorities but do not personally investigate.

10. If people start going missing at your school, get the hell out of there. Try to transfer schools online or via mail; do not go to the principal for help.

11. Someone's doing magic or starting a magic club? RUN LIKE HELL!

Now add some of your own!

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PostPosted: March 30th, 2008, 6:04 pm 
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You might want to add to point 7 that

7.2 it is most helpful to stand with your butt to the train's/streetcar's wall, instead of looking out the door glass and presenting your tempting hindquarters to anybody who's in the car and willing to take the opportunity.

7.3 If you are already being molested, take the hand that is fumbling you, softly, and take it on slow a tour across your body towards your face. Then gently lick and suck a finger to gain your molester's trust, and once he starts enjoying the service bite his finger until it bleeds, easily recognizable by the iron-like taste, additional to a loud scream in your vicinity.

12. If you've already done something stupid and you're being blackmailed into sexual intercourse, tape the next such event and go to the police immediately, don't walk across "GO", there won't be a $200 salary for you. This will shorten the playing time of your embarrassing OVA by at least two thirds.

13. If you're a teacher, a tutor or anything in the likes of that never ever screw your students, since most likely bad things will follow. Ignore heavy panting and moaning of your name from storage rooms that you more or less coincidently pass by, don't take a peek and don't even think of entering and asking what's going on.

14. If someone of your family has a criminal or low-status (like AV star or prostitute) background, leave East Asia immediately. People will automatically project similar traits onto you although the idea of genetically transferred tendencies of behavior within a family tree has been labelled detestable and irrational since the fall of the Third Reich. News have just not yet reached conservative circles like the PTA, the school board and the ministry of education.

15. If you're a nurse, you'd better avoid nightshifts. Never go to a patient's room alone. Eat Kimchi or garlic-flavored stuff and don't brush your teeth before duty. That way, potential threats will avoid you and nobody will try and stick any living tissue into your face.

16. Write a petition to your parliament to ban Japanese-style toilets and partition walls that don't reach down to the floor.

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PostPosted: March 30th, 2008, 7:15 pm 
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42317 wrote:
don't walk across "GO", there won't be a $200 salary for you. This will shorten the playing time of your embarrassing OVA by at least two thirds.

:lol:

As an ammendment to point #1, add a recording device to your taser and mace.

17. Don't try and become a public idol, especially if you're trying to be a singer or an actress/actor.

18. Though it carries a special set of problems, it's not a bad idea to get someone to help you through your ordeal. While a killer robot who is completely loyal to you, can't be corrupted, and doesn't have any phallic symbols on his body is probably your safest bet, you most likely will not have that option. Childhood friends are a decent choice, they have a lower chance of raping you, and you should more easily be able to notice any odd changes in their behavior. Don't ask for help from family, the popular clique, or nerds; they'll either be the ones trying to rape you, or be the ones getting raped/killed by trying to help you.

18.2 Be warned though, they probably have secretly been holding a torch for you and will probably expect something by the end of your romp. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as having sex with him or her might bring your ordeal to an end...or start your troubles.

18.3 If your friend is the same sex as you, don't bother asking for help; you're only increasing the chances of you and him/her getting raped.

19. If a peer asks you out and you're not interested, make sure to be polite and firm in your refusal (no matter what, do not lie), you also might want to avoid going out alone for a few days and if your dating someone at the time you might want to check in with them (your boyfriend or girlfriend) ever so often.

20. Always research who your date used to go out with before you actually go out, this way you won't have a crazy ex hiring a bunch of thugs to kidnap you and your family.

21. Always bring your own drinks, foods usually aren't laced with date-rape drugs...usually. Make sure your host is someone you trust, and try to get someone else to test your food.

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PostPosted: April 12th, 2008, 2:11 am 
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22. Go to the police YOURSELF, as anyone who volunteers to do so will either ignore and rape you, or be raped trying to get to the police

23. If you get stranded in the forest, highway, countyside. DO NOT VENTURE OUTSIDE YOUR CAR.

24. If you don't know what rape or sex is, you are beyond salvation, OH NO! BEHIND YOU! too late.

25. NO, that's not a snake, it's a tentacle, RUN!

26. Every time "go to the police" was mentioned at this thread, understad it as the POLICE STATION, and NOT a random policeman in the street, specially of the oposite sex.

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PostPosted: April 12th, 2008, 7:07 pm 
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27. Before going out on a date with an introverted character, thoroughly check his past and relatives. He could be genetically inclined to violate you.

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PostPosted: April 13th, 2008, 4:07 am 
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27.5. Also check his current friends and schoolmates, he might just be a bait for that gang in school to gang bang you in the supposed dating spot you agreed on

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PostPosted: April 13th, 2008, 6:27 am 
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28. Get under protective custody you stupid bitch. Nuff said.

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PostPosted: April 13th, 2008, 4:15 pm 
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You sure about that, Mmsven? Maybe the police whose protective custody she is supposed to be under are as bad as the pervy stalker that's out to get her to begin with.

I think it's the Toshio Maeda stuff I've got around here, but...

29. If some guy pops up and starts claiming your boyfriend's some sort of chosen one, you really should consider leaving. The guy calling your boyfriend "chojin" has his prophecies all wrong, and that's not a good thing for the world in general.

30. If your ninja clan teaches "sex craft", find another dojo 'cause this clan's out to fight demons that wanna rape you.

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PostPosted: April 13th, 2008, 4:26 pm 
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31. Go to Canada. There has yet to be a hentai that was based there.

32. If you have a vision problem, try wearing contacts. That way, a rapist with a glasses fetish might not target you.

33. If you know magic, only use it if the spells can be used fast and you don't have a choice. DO NOT challenge anyone who knows magic just because you feel like a badass.

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PostPosted: April 14th, 2008, 6:47 pm 
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34. Constantly check your apartment, your workplace and any toilet you frequently use for cameras.

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 Post subject: Re: How to avoid...
PostPosted: May 16th, 2008, 12:28 am 
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34.5
Constantly check your appartment or workplace for holes where u can see into the next appartment/workspace over. Especially if you get that feeling ur being watched..often.

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 Post subject: Re: How to avoid...
PostPosted: May 17th, 2008, 3:23 am 
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35. When traveling, apply numbers 34 and 34.5 to your hotel room and make sure chain and deadbolt are also locked while your at it. Why? Well, Sir Alfred Hitchcock's film Psycho (1960) doesn't count as hentai (or even anime), but it makes a good case for the hotel owner/manager being a psychopath with multiple personality disorder. Besides, there's a reason that shower scene's legendary...

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 Post subject: Re: How to avoid...
PostPosted: January 26th, 2009, 9:11 pm 
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36. Don't trust bald, muscular men.

37. You won a trip? Congratulations! Sell that ticket or take the cash alternative.

38. Fight! Admittedly, there are cases where fighting your attacker doesn't help, but it probably won't make things any worse. Too many hentai girls have lost their innocence simply because their only resistance was a few quiet "noes"

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 Post subject: Re: How to avoid...
PostPosted: January 26th, 2009, 9:26 pm 
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Location: Tokyo, you're due for another attack from Yours Truly!
39. Stay away from Pedobear, which goes double for children and anyone who goes to 4chan. :shock:

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 Post subject: Re: How to avoid...
PostPosted: January 27th, 2009, 1:40 am 
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40. Dress like a siberian grandma. The higher the hemline, the lower the neck line and the higher the heels, the more likely it is to get raped. Be consistent. Combat boots are not sexy, but do not combine with skin-tight leotards and leggings. Extra layers help.

41. Never shave. Anything. Especially any body part normally covered by a swimsuit. The more you remind most men of their hairy grandpa, the less the will be interested in attacking you. (But don't show off your hairyness, there are fetishes for everything).

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