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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 18th, 2010, 6:47 pm 
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Storm_Shinobi wrote:
Jewel of the Stars

Isn't this a bit too close to "Banner of the Stars"?

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
She let out a massive yawn and rubbed her eyes before looking around with a blank look on her face. After surveying her surroundings to her satisfaction, she cast a venomous look straight at the man.

I found it funnier when she just leapt up, asking him hysterical questions, because if she looks around and finds everything "to her satisfaction" there's no point in engaging in a conversation as follows, about "Has this happened? Has that happened?" and so on, right?

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
“Has our horse run away?” croaked the woman while rubbing her eyes. She let out a yawn and her spine arched backwards as she stretched.

Heavens, no! A thrown-in comment like that robs the scene of all the comedic tension, it's breaking the mood! It would be a real shame giving that up. (Imho, of course.)

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
“Is there something on my face?” inquired the woman.
“Oh dear, I haven't seen those wrinkles before.” revealed the man while rubbing the stubble on his chin.

Hm... praising her beauty instead would catch her totally off guard and derail her train of anger. Further animosity would then bear the mark of pretending in order to not lose face. You know, the Tsundere archetype. :D

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
“Oh dear, you better tell me what was so funny that you woke me up,” hissed the woman.

You killed the "THEN WHY HAVE YOU WOKEN ME UP???" line?
I feel disappointed... I laughed so hard about this final line of her fit when you first posted this piece. :cry:
Have you now decided to make this an earnest piece of fiction?

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
The woman suddenly sprung up and grasped the girl’s hands tightly.

How? Does she leap across the distance between her "bed" and the startled girl?
And what do you mean, she "sprung up"? I thought she was already standing?

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
Haruka and Yoshikazu

Is there a reason why you chose exactly these names?
It's not necessary for a story that names bear any connotations, but it's nice to have "telling names" now and then.

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
the great Taifu-no-kami

Just as I was talking about "telling names". :P2:

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 19th, 2010, 3:19 am 
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I had some criticisms elsewhere about the hysterical conversation being too unnatural and weird(along with lots of other conflicting views that made me a bit confused). Now that I think about it, I do agree the comedic tension has flown off somewhere. Although its always good to try different ways of writing I suppose since I'm still kinda finding my feet in this business. I'll probably do a short re-do of the starting conversational part. After that I'll need to move onto part 3, I've been hanging out in part 2-land for a bit too long.

As for their names:
Yoshikazu: I was like to my friend, man give me a traditional sounding name. And he was like Yoshino. And I'm like this sounds way to surname like, I'll use Yoshikazu instead. Pretty arbitrary.

Haruka: I was thinking a bit on this one and then went, maybe she was named after the season she was born in. Haru being spring, so she was born in spring.

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 19th, 2010, 10:20 am 
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Storm_Shinobi wrote:
I had some criticisms elsewhere about the hysterical conversation being too unnatural and weird

Don't listen to those imbeciles! :lol:

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
I've been hanging out in part 2-land for a bit too long.

Maybe you should delete the older versions of part 2, inserting just a message referring to a later post containing the final version.

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
Yoshikazu: I was like to my friend, man give me a traditional sounding name. And he was like Yoshino. And I'm like this sounds way to surname like, I'll use Yoshikazu instead. Pretty arbitrary.

So there's no special meaning to the names, with regard to the story's contents.

Storm_Shinobi wrote:
Haruka: I was thinking a bit on this one and then went, maybe she was named after the season she was born in. Haru being spring, so she was born in spring.

Yeah, I was intuitively thinking 春香, "spring scent".
Could also be 晴香 ("fine scent"), or (distance).

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 20th, 2010, 6:01 am 
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I kept the older versions hanging around in case I made things worse, so somebody can tell me.

http://depleted.wordpress.com/2010/01/2 ... art-2-mod/
Anyway I rewrote the conversation just a bit. I think thats it for part 2, at least until I finish a chapter's worth and look back.

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 26th, 2010, 3:02 am 
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Erotic Elegant Guro Lolita as I dub it. Significantly less guro than the previous one, has a more trapped in a cage or broken slave sorta feel to it rather than a drugged up killer. I'll probably shade it later.

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 26th, 2010, 8:59 am 
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Superb work right there, Shinobi! :booyah: Is it me or does that chain actually make her look even sexier? Like you know she's not going anywhere and you can do to her whatever you want... :P2:


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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 27th, 2010, 4:17 pm 
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G-Core wrote:
Is it me or does that chain actually make her look even sexier?

It's the control and power that is exacted upon her. You see that quite right. I think there's very few men who actually fantasize about a woman dominating them. SM you say? Think about that for a moment and you will realize that the so-called slave gets exactly what he wants - very likely opposed to that girl in the picture.

But I wonder how bandages, such evidence of physical harm, are supposed to have a sexually arousing effect.
When I saw that in Evangelion I did not even think about it, but a few years later it struck me that this was a sort of fetish for some guys... I just don't get it.

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 28th, 2010, 12:32 am 
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Bandages convey this broken image, which often makes the character look more vulnerable. I guess its not so the bandages but the vulnerability that is shown?

Personally, I just like the aesthetics when used correctly.

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 28th, 2010, 5:42 pm 
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Storm_Shinobi wrote:
Personally, I just like the aesthetics when used correctly.

I se no aesthetics in wounded people. I could as well see the eroticism in suffering bishônen, which I don't.
I do understand that this display of vulnerability relates to maternal/paternal instincts, though - like, a continent away from sexual desires.

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 29th, 2010, 2:10 pm 
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Rather than that sorta vulnerability, I'm thinking vulnerability along the lines as a beaten injured person who can't fight back hence you can do whatever you want kinda vulnerability. Similar to the whole domination thing with the chain, more control and power. Also perhaps appealing to more sadistic tendencies I suppose.

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A punk lolita. Not to happy with the result, maybe its just my shoddy shading. But I wanted to show the stripes and a more inverted colour scheme kinda look, with black frills instead.


About time to get back to Jewel of the Stars. The new anime Katanagatari should get me more hyped up about the whole Japanese folk thing....

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 29th, 2010, 6:25 pm 
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Storm_Shinobi wrote:
A punk lolita.

What's so punky about her?
Talking about punks I'm more thinking in these categories:

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Those people seem like miles away from that person in your picture. :sweat:

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: January 30th, 2010, 12:15 am 
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Lolita Punk is quite the difference from the usual punk image, just like how Gothic Lolitas can be quite the difference from the usual Goths.

Some common punk accessories include studded belts and chains, and the Punk Lolita style sort of implements those accessories into the overall Lolita fashion look rather than do the whole mile. So its frilly clothes with leather and metal involved essentially. They can also use stuff like safety pins, and seem to use tartan checkered pattern articles of clothing alot of the time as far as I can see.

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: February 5th, 2010, 1:44 pm 
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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v235/ ... alette.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v235/ ... olours.jpg
Since I drew her the most, I thought it was about time she got a colour scheme. Still under experimentation....

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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: February 5th, 2010, 3:37 pm 
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Very impressive! :booyah:

For what it's worth, she goes well with any color, in particular the clothing decoration and the hair. :D


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 Post subject: Re: Storm Shinobi's STUFFs
PostPosted: February 8th, 2010, 5:55 am 
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Redesigned the Rival Butler for Battle Maid Chronicles. My grasp on male anatomy has depreciated a lot....

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Drew a fight scene.

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