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PostPosted: March 12th, 2008, 6:15 pm 
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Caiobrz wrote:
Keep close to someone you love and not let it out? you would eventually burst and explode.

Kinda true. When I was in school, and 13-18yo, I loved a girl and I loved her like mad. I realized I didn't have all time in the world, but whenever I only thought about confessing I would begin to tremble with sweaty hands and pumping heart. Approaching her physically was equally challenging, but I could only talk to her about the most unimportant things. I felt like dying. Too shy in those days. I hated myself for being a coward and it almost drove me insane when she, a straight A student, surprisingly left school because her daddy was a local top dog of a national insurance company and had arranged for a job. I had lost her forever. Today she's a happily married mother, and at least I can feel good about her being well.

I think if it wasn't for all the P&P RPGs that I played (and used for my violent fantasies) I would have run amok and killed a score of people in school or something. No joke intended.

spazmaster666 wrote:
True love grows from friendship.

I think that depends on how you define friendship. I agree that a man needs to befriend a woman before they can fall in love, because before loving there is liking each other. There might be exceptions, called "love on first sight", but these are rare, otherwise they wouldn't be so legendary and idiomatic.

"Pre-love friendship" is different. I'm thinking hard, but I can't put my finger on it.
Me and my girlfriend knew each other for a few months, being students in the same language course and since I felt lonely we met and engaged in all kinds of platonic fun, but it included touching each other - for a reason I cannot grasp - and one day, we were kinda wrestling for the fun of it, I caught myself in the act of kissing her and I still have no idea how that came to be.

If your feelings are strong for a person of the opposite gender you need to explore these feelings really hard and rationally, if possible, because there are many people who in such a situation confuse friendship with love. If that happens the love will most likely fail, usually bringing the friendship to an end as well.

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PostPosted: March 13th, 2008, 4:45 am 
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Caiobrz wrote:
What would it be like if you did not talk to her? one word: hell. Keep close to someone you love and not let it out? you would eventually burst and explode. Seriously, it's hard to tell and the consequences are usually not for the best, but if you think on the longer run, it's for the best ...

She seams a nice person, but she also seams to be unable to think outside the box and figure what YOU feel, that's why she thought it would be a good idea (no no no no) to not hold back. Can you imagine the hell? you still getting closer and trying (but deep inside knowing it was a total failure) to get along, feeling life is crap and, to make things better (sarcasm warning) see her with her b/f, which is prety much a big knife slicing your heart in little pieces? I still think holding back and letting the friendship self-sustain (or fail) is better than be subject to eternal damnation xD
she knew how i felt about the whole situation. what i believe she means about "not holding back" is that she would rather hear me than have me bottle it all up. we were just hoping that i could work it out. i tried for the "longer run" but failed.

spazmaster666 wrote:
So I don't think the friendship aspect of it is any issue. The fact that she is already in a serious relationship (I assume it's serious?) is the major issue at hand. To that account, there's not much that I or anyone else on a forum can really say about this matter. If you truly love her then you would desire her happiness over your own. That's all I really have to say.
that is true, i should have put her happiness over my own but that would require me lying to her until, as caiobrz so eloquently put, "i burst and explode!" haha!

i think the whole boyfriend aspect is irrelevant. i honestly believe that if she were single it would be the same. that is what i think and that makes me feel better, so i am sticking with that! :)

42317 wrote:
I think if it wasn't for all the P&P RPGs that I played (and used for my violent fantasies) I would have run amok and killed a score of people in school or something. No joke intended.
haha. sorry but that reminded me of the one and only time i played d&d. it was with a doctor, x-ray tech, hippie, and some guy with glasses. it was hilarious. i had no clue what was going on and only the guy with the map (dungeon master?) was trying to keep it together. mix in alcohol and after awhile i do not even think we were rolling the dice, it just turned into a choose your own adventure... it was fun, i give it that.

42317 wrote:
If your feelings are strong for a person of the opposite gender you need to explore these feelings really hard and rationally, if possible, because there are many people who in such a situation confuse friendship with love. If that happens the love will most likely fail, usually bringing the friendship to an end as well.
yeah. that explains me. though i would not say i am confused, it was just one sided. i am friends with quite a few women so i know the difference, i think! ;) now you have me doubting myself!


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PostPosted: March 14th, 2008, 4:03 pm 
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dbd_addict wrote:
now you have me doubting myself!

Good. For me it works like that (and I'll be a little indecent):

Think about the woman - besides your feelings, do you also want to screw her?
(Of course you don't have to answer that in public.)

Females in my social environment can be easily categorized.
The flesh group consists of individuals that I'd like to get my hands on, but none of them is suited to be a potential love interest.
The sister group consists of individuals who I really like, but I have no interest in their bodies.
The one person inbetween is my girlfriend. :D

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PostPosted: March 15th, 2008, 2:22 pm 
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yeah, she was in the sister group for awhile. then all this anime watching turned me onto incest. :p
of course, this was disturbing and a lot of "ew ewing" ensued.

ps. "screw" is such a vile word to use. right up there with "f.ck".


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PostPosted: March 15th, 2008, 3:55 pm 
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42317 wrote:
Caiobrz wrote:
Keep close to someone you love and not let it out? you would eventually burst and explode.

Kinda true. When I was in school, and 13-18yo, I loved a girl and I loved her like mad. I realized I didn't have all time in the world, but whenever I only thought about confessing I would begin to tremble with sweaty hands and pumping heart.

dbd_addict, I have to thank you for your inspiration. I looked my old love up on the WWW and found her on a social networking site. She's in a leading position, happily married and a mother of a 4yo.
So I contacted her, expressing my happiness about hers, and I finally confessed to her, in a rational manner. She replied, quite surprised ("I'm speechless right now..."), and asked for a little patience since she needed a few days to think about the matter.

I made plans about contacting her three years ago already, but it didn't happen, mostly for technical and irrational reasons. Now your thread gave me the right impetus and I am eagerly awaiting her reply. I'm sure the dialogue will banish the demon that's been haunting me for so many years.
Thank you very much.

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PostPosted: March 15th, 2008, 4:30 pm 
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really?! wow! i do not know what to say either... you are welcome? and congrats? :)
yeah, i have an attitude of trying to have no regrets. it has put me into a few compromising and awkward positions but it seems like the right thing for me to do.


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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: June 24th, 2008, 7:27 pm 
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My former love interest has not said anything about my confession yet, I'll give her another three weeks (because then it's my birthday... just a landmark day in my year, that's why, I'll push her with a "where's my present?" logic).

So, dbd_addict, how has the situation developed?
(Please excuse my curiosity, but since you started the topic...)

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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: June 25th, 2008, 3:55 am 
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42317 wrote:
My former love interest has not said anything about my confession yet, I'll give her another three weeks (because then it's my birthday... just a landmark day in my year, that's why, I'll push her with a "where's my present?" logic).

She's sure taking her time with getting back to you! I'm not really sure what she will have to say though, given that she has a husband and child and the feelings you had were so long ago.

42317 wrote:
So, dbd_addict, how has the situation developed?
(Please excuse my curiosity, but since you started the topic...)

Sadly dbd_adict hasn't joined us since the middle of April :( Now that we have this "Last Visited" date in profiles, looking at some people's has made me a little sad. We've lost some good men along the way, and gained ourselves some new ones. Seems a never ending cycle.

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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: June 25th, 2008, 5:27 am 
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I wonder why I don't have any feelings of love toward anyone (for all I know). Either I'm a cold-hearted bastard, or I'm just completely happy with my hand.

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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: June 25th, 2008, 8:26 pm 
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Mmsven wrote:
Either I'm a cold-hearted bastard, or I'm just completely happy with my hand.

Sasuga ne, Mmsven-kun... :mrgreen:

First question is: Do you want to love? Or are you willing to? It means to open your soul to someone, which makes you very vulnerable, and many people are afraid of being hurt, since it could go wrong. Or maybe your perception of the world is too negative? If you don't like yourself it will be hard for others to like you - self-confidence raises your charisma. Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions, but your overall style reads like someone who's got a whole lotta frustration to bear.

According to my experiences women like smooth talkers and good listeners. I'm a little of the first and much of the latter. For the first it helps to be a little of a tease, and for the second you need patience, a good memory and a good deal of empathy - patience to listen carefully till the end, a good memory to keep track of all the information, and empathy to form well-aimed comments.
What's your style?

Acmurphy wrote:
She's sure taking her time with getting back to you! I'm not really sure what she will have to say though, given that she has a husband and child and the feelings you had were so long ago.

I'll see. And I trust her choice of words.
As long as she says anything it's alright. Keeping quiet is what disturbs me.
But I also trust she's not ignoring me. She occupies a lead position in a regional health insurance company, so she's pretty busy at work and at home.

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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: June 26th, 2008, 2:00 am 
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42317 wrote:
So, dbd_addict, how has the situation developed?
(Please excuse my curiosity, but since you started the topic...)
i do not know exactly where i left off but not much has happened as expected. a month or two later she sent me a text message from some sad lyrics. i was a little saddened to see that she was still bothered by how we left things. we exchanged e-mails and i left it open, but she said that it would happen all over again. she is probably right.

fini.

42317 wrote:
My former love interest has not said anything about my confession yet, I'll give her another three weeks (because then it's my birthday... just a landmark day in my year, that's why, I'll push her with a "where's my present?" logic).
it is hard to really say anything. i have told friends a year or two later that i had a crush on them in school, we just laugh it off and carry on. i do not expect anything much. though one girl said that she was good friends with my then current girlfriend and i had to interrupt her and say that i did not want anything to come of it and that was not the reason for bringing it up. :( what she must have thought of me at the time...

Acmurphy wrote:
Sadly dbd_adict hasn't joined us since the middle of April :( Now that we have this "Last Visited" date in profiles, looking at some people's has made me a little sad. We've lost some good men along the way, and gained ourselves some new ones. Seems a never ending cycle.
i have only watched that 5cms movie and vexille... so i really cannot contribute to this site anymore. i did delve into the general forums for a bit but that is hard with such a small crowd. i have generally dropped a lot of my internet activity.

42317 wrote:
According to my experiences women like smooth talkers and good listeners. I'm a little of the first and much of the latter. For the first it helps to be a little of a tease, and for the second you need patience, a good memory and a good deal of empathy - patience to listen carefully till the end, a good memory to keep track of all the information, and empathy to form well-aimed comments.
this all really depends on what your intentions are... ;) but yes, women like witty smooth talkers. if they are laughing, you got 'em.


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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: June 26th, 2008, 3:47 am 
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42317 wrote:
It means to open your soul to someone, which makes you very vulnerable, and many people are afraid of being hurt, since it could go wrong.
I'm not afraid of that. I can't imagine myself getting depressed over a breakup, maybe really angry for a week or two.

42317 wrote:
Or maybe your perception of the world is too negative?
Yes it is. I don't feel I have a chance at getting a girlfriend. The only girl that has ever acted and asked me out wasn't to my standards (I'm not picky either -- she was really bad). At least she offered to give me a blowjob to be her girlfriend. Yeah, awkward... I said no BTW.

42317 wrote:
Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions, but your overall style reads like someone who's got a whole lotta frustration to bear.
I try to keep my frustration to myself IRL. It shouldn't exist in the first place though, since my life is fine. My views on life just aren't all full of sunshine and daisies cause the real world sucks.

42317 wrote:
According to my experiences women like smooth talkers and good listeners.
I'm not a smooth talker at all. In the past 4 years I have had barely any social experiences. My lack of English creativity prevents me from talking to unknown people for more than a few seconds.

One of the problems is that I don't think very many appealing (according to my standards, meaning above REALLY BAD) girls have the same interests as myself. Even if there were, there's a large chance of neither of us being able to meet each other because of social problems.

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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: June 27th, 2008, 6:28 am 
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dbd_addict, even a bad ending is a good ending in some way because it's better than uncertainty.

dbd_addict wrote:
i have only watched that 5cms movie and vexille... so i really cannot contribute to this site anymore. i did delve into the general forums for a bit but that is hard with such a small crowd.

Oh, come on, I'm here because of the social interaction that is related to Anime, and not because this is an Anime site that offers social interaction. :wink:
Share a thought now and then - whether it's related to something you watched is of lesser importance imho.

Mmsven, judging from your post my situation was pretty similar to yours ten to fifteen years ago (I'm just more likely to become depressed rather than angry), but new experiences will contribute to your character and shape your views, possibly up to a different state of mind. It worked in my case, who had no steady girlfriend until he was 22. :oops: :D
And she wouldn't have liked me had we met two or three years earlier. Rising levels of experience is the only good thing about aging. :D

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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: July 4th, 2008, 7:45 pm 
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42317 wrote:
Oh, come on, I'm here because of the social interaction that is related to Anime, and not because this is an Anime site that offers social interaction. :wink:
Share a thought now and then - whether it's related to something you watched is of lesser importance imho.
i know, i know. poor excuse. it is my excuse though...

42317 wrote:
Rising levels of experience is the only good thing about aging. :D
but then you have those young girls being intimidated by your supposed high level of experience... ;p which was one thing this girl in question said to me. haha.


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 Post subject: Re: wit's end
PostPosted: August 6th, 2008, 6:10 pm 
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I have had a breakthrough in my conversation with my former love interest. Well, the breakthrough came during the week after my birthday, but I decided to wait because she had not answered all of my questions. But it seems she won't give me more and from what she writes about her way of handling things back then I have to conclude that despite certain changes due to becoming an adult her basics haven't changed since.

To cut it short (my way = it won't be really short), as I described above, I contacted her and asked what had happened back then. I remember I had written, yeah, love letters of sorts during highschool, and I wanted to know why she'd never reacted. Now I insisted on an answer and she asked me back whether I really wanted to hear the truth, since she was used to speaking her mind rather bluntly these days, and I agreed. Oh my, what was I gonna hear? Taking things like stupid mailmen, protective parents, and some rather insulting things into account, it was actually very much simpler.

She had decided to ignore me!

In her reply she said that I was, like, the epitome of being uncool walking the earth, carrying my bag over both shoulders and a biro at my collar, walking like a soldier (without elaborating on that), and *gasp!* indulging in roleplaying games!
"That was it?" I asked, and it really made me laugh. But I must say two things about her arguments.
First, I only carried a pen at my collar because I had not always been as strong as I still am today, actually at age 12 I was pretty mediocre, and I was being bullied. After my pencil cases were frequently and violently thrown against the wall and all my pens were broken just as frequently, I decided to abandon the pencil case concept and stuck to a biro at my collar.
Second, I liked being uncool, in a way. I had a bunch of friends who accepted me, and they were all I needed. Most people didn't like me. F*ck them! That was the way back then.
I can agree with her on these grounds.

It is on the other hand interesting to note how shy she was about the matter. She said she'd have been too embarrassed to tell me face to face or in any other way, so she ran from the problem, hoping it would disappear by itself. Well, it didn't, it gave me hell for years. Furthermore, she was actually so embarrassed by me writing her such messages that she never even talked about it with her friends - despite any existing female stereotype about women counselling and comforting each other on the phone for hours. But she kept silent. Actually, considering my (negative) level of popularity I think I have to thank her for that because it would have caused me some embarrassment if information about my longings had leaked to the wrong people.
Funny enough, I, the silent type, talked about the affair with people from outside my inner circle, even with girls (who didn't mind my presence) in order to get information about my standing (because I - erroneously - assumed she had talked to people in her peer group).

Two or three minor questions are left, but I can be pretty happy with what I got I think.

But my tour of resolving my adolescent problems do not end here.
Funny enough, my first girlfriend appeared on the social network that I am a member of. We "dated" for half a year 19 years ago (autumn-winter season 89/90), which means we were 12yo. In spring, she said she wanted to break up. She didn't give me an explanation, which I'd like to hear now, because I only concluded, several years later, that she left me for my apparent and appalling lack of maturity.
I'm sad to admit that I wasn't able to stand by her. We would take walks together and even hold hands (hey, that's heaven for an uptight 12yo) - but only when noone from my peer group was around. Walking from class to the school bus I'd break off from her side when we approached the bus stop because I felt embarrased appearing to be so soft as to have a girlfriend. That was of course based on deeply childish "humor" that made fun of relations with the other gender, and my sense of masculinity was pretty warped when I was growing up.

Well, I contacted her in the afternoon and I hope she'll reply.
And my sincere apologies to dbd_addict for virtually taking over his thread.

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