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 Post subject: Blasphemy in a Frying Pan
PostPosted: September 7th, 2012, 6:54 am 
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My parents went to Turkey. So I was like, the KITCHEN IS MINE HA HA HA HA.

And decided to make Paella. Without following a recipe. From what I gathered, you fried meat and vegetables together, boiled some stock, dumped uncooked rice with the meat and vegetables and then dumped the stock in and added seafood. I wasn't trying to make a genuine Valencian Paella, or a proper paella for that matter so being the inexperienced cocky bum I was, I bought a chicken leg, onions, tomatoes, garlic, mushrooms and got myself dried rosemary, black pepper and paprika powder. Couldn't find saffron, those clams looked like they'd give me cyanide poisoning.

I proceeded to make my stock out of a carrot, an onion and a cheap shit chicken stock cube along with a lot of garlic and pepper.

Then I toasted the mushrooms on a dry pan to get rid of the excess water in them. Then added butter and fried it all up with onions and garlic. Then added chicken, and when they looked cooked(more like I got tired of poking my chicken) I chucked in tomatoes, rice and paprika powder and messed with it until the rice coloured itself. Then added stock and spilled black pepper into it. I tried scooping out the pepper but damage was done none the less.

I proceeded to impatiently poke at it, wonder why the rice wasn't cooking(I was too impatiently poking it instead of letting it cook). But eventually it cooked itself after a lot of poking around. The onions and tomatoes had disintegrated by then and the crust I was trying to form was a burnt black mess rather than a proper crust.

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Hmmm. Should I even eat this shit? Presentation 0/10. Even without those clams, it looks like it would give me cyanide poisoning. This looks like the sort of blasted shit untalented anime girls produce.

Well I didn't spend all that time fucking around not to eat this shit. Turns out the burnt parts was just the outer ring and it was kinda moist and shit in the center. So a good 85% ish of it was edible. And eat it I did.

Tasted like. Hmm. Chicken soup, slightly salty, pretty peppery. It was edible, bizarre. Not good, but not exactly bad. Kinda on the wall about it. Every now and then some bites would contain disintegrated tomato and had a bit of sour tang. 4/10 for taste. Just... bizarre.

And thus concludes my blasphemy towards Spanish cuisine.

Tomorrow I shall attempt scrambled eggs.

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 Post subject: Re: Blasphemy in a Frying Pan
PostPosted: September 9th, 2012, 6:24 pm 
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That doesn't look very tasty. haha
Scrambled eggs should be a better option!

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 Post subject: Re: Blasphemy in a Frying Pan
PostPosted: September 10th, 2012, 4:14 pm 
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You're like me....every attempt at cooking is a failure T-T

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 Post subject: Re: Blasphemy in a Frying Pan
PostPosted: September 14th, 2012, 5:24 pm 
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That stuff looks like puke with maggots. I'm not sure whether the Foodstuff Thread would be the right place for a story like yours... You are internet-literate? Would it even have taken you, like, 2 minutes to look up a good enough recipe!? :sweat:

I remember this TV show from Japan, called "Apron Girls" or something... they'd take some model (always female), give her the name of a meal (and just that) and let her do whatever she thought proper to produce something edible. A few of the "victims" were in fact able to cook and had some knowledge about preparations, but most of the young women had no idea about any of that and mixed ingredients that they thought belonged into a meal of the denotation "XYZ".
The hosts were mostly but not completely male and in return for the indignity they administered to the cooks they had to eat at least a spoonful of whatever came out. In some cases that was an appropriate punishment imho.
With whatever this is in your picture you managed to punish my eyes for no good reason. :vomit:

:mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: Blasphemy in a Frying Pan
PostPosted: September 27th, 2012, 4:25 am 
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Future endeavours thankfully weren't as disastrous.

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