With his daughter having been captured by the witch Etruria and enchained in her monster filled tower, the King’s last hope rests with the insurmountable prowess of the wandering knight Albion. With Princess Cecelia’s hand in marriage as the prize, Albion is quickly off as he slaughters hundreds of monsters on his journey to rescue her. But when Albion comes face to face with this so-called witch, who happens to be Cecelia in disguise, that’s when things get interesting. Her time spent conjuring up tentacle demons and discovering ancient artifacts may just come back to bite her however, and in more ways than one!
Taking the classic aloof hero and combining him with a mostly carefree adventure, Tower of Etruria tries hard to have a little bit of everything with perverse sex scenes and slapstick comedy galore. Events start off innocently enough as Albion heads to the Tower of Etruria, leaving a trail of decimated dragons and beasties in his wake as he attempts to rescue Princess Cecelia from, well, herself as it turns out. It’s here that the real fun beings as she accidently entices her pet tentacle monster to have a little fun with her instead of attacking this creaton who has come to “rescue” her. From there our now traveling companions have to battle against political assassination attempts, ancient spirits who’re out for revenge and a love triangle with a former enemy who has decided she loves Albion and will win him away from Cecelia in any way possible. Though, for whatever reason, a threesome is never in the cards…
With quite a few plot points, various sexual situations and a comedic bent Tower of Etruria may sound promising, but there’s really nothing that works particularly well here. All the various storylines are completely straightforward, without any real meat or intrigue as they just go through the motions. This wouldn’t have been so bad if all the characters weren’t so insipid, with terribly uninteresting dialogue and interactions that do little but further detract from one’s attempted enjoyment. On the flip side, you actually have a fairly decent mix of sex scenes, all of which are, one way or another, ruined by either poor technicals or absolutely ridiculous amounts of censoring that cover up not just the juicy bits but half their bodies as well. With multiple tentacle scenes, a double dildo rape attempt and a spirit possession or two, the sexual dynamic was there, unfortunately nothing else was.
It’s sad when a title like Tower of Etruria clearly tries so hard to be something special, yet fails so completely at it. With few redeeming qualities to speak of, there’s little reason to waste your time here.